My Journal

August 14th, 2022

Jeez, I'm such a drama queen sometimes.

Feeling alright today. Fell asleep at 7 pm last night then woke up at 6 am. I feel surprisingly well-rested considering how long I slept, though I have a feeling that won't be lasting too long. I always end up falling into a random-ass "coma" in the middle of the day and take a 12 hour long nap. No idea what's making me so sleepy. I really want to travel. Not on a road trip, I always hate the long drives in a hot, stuffy car... unless I'm on like 5 different types of anti-nauseants, then it quickly becomes fun. Hallucinating shadow people really adds to the experience. But really, I want to take a plane or maybe a boat somewhere. I don't care about the destination, just the travel.

I'm still stuck wanting to update my website but having no idea what to add to it... It feels pretty complete to me.

5/10, booooring.

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July 26th, 2022

I feel like shit. I miss my friends so much. I just want the scars to heal, but I know scars never go away, just fade slightly. I'm so angry at myself for letting my abandonment issues win.

I don't always feel terrible like this, I can have moments of respite where I feel fine and like I don't need those friends. But when I stop distracting myself it comes back so intensely.

The worst part is I don't even want to fix what I've done. I'm too stubborn. I want things to go my way and I can't accept that no matter what I do or who I hurt they will not.


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